What I Know For Sure....

Hello friends,

I guess I've been on quite the hiatus from this blog.  Approximately nine months.  It's not something I intended or purposely took a break from, but as they say, "life has a way of getting in the way of things".  Or something like that.  I always hated when people said that.  It always seemed like a cop out or excuse, which really it is...  But it seems to have become my reality.  Anyway, much has transpired since the last time I posted.  I quit my job.  Academia is no longer the back drop of my daily life.  Some family stuff has occurred.  Not really the forum to share it, but it's def been a big shift in our lives.  I am also six months pregnant!  I found out I'm having a girl!  And, I am officially a full-time stay at home mom.  It's been great (for the most part).
Anyway, even though I haven't been on the blog, I have thought of it often.  I always have thoughts, comments or post ideas running through my brain.  Unfortunately I haven't found the time to actually sit down and type them.  Perhaps I just haven't felt like it, if I'm truly honest.  Writing on this blog has sort of been put on the back burner.  I still have ever intention of becoming a famous author ;)  But right now when I get an idea for my books, I just write it in my journal.  I haven't felt the need to exercise my writing muscle in a public forum.  Perhaps this was never really my forte.  It was something I needed at a certain point in my life, but doesn't seem to help my mission or goals at this point in time.  Anyway, I'm rambling.
I actually did come here  today with a purpose.  I need some catharsis.  A place to share some things that have been consuming my mind lately.  What I know for sure....So, without further ado....

1.  It is never acceptable to comment on a woman's body, even when she is pregnant.  I find that people think that once you are pregnant they have license to comment on your ever changing appearance.  For some reason they think it's suddenly acceptable to say things like "wow, you look pregnant now", "oh my, you've popped", "oh my, now you've really popped", "gee, you look way more pregnant than you did last week, are you having twins?", etc.  Pregnancy is an emotional and sometimes tumultuous time to begin with.  Pregnant women don't need others making them feel any more insecure or self-conscious.  I don't care if you are a relative, good friend, spouse, or the president of the United States, DON'T COMMENT ON A WOMAN'S BODY!  And definitely don't touch her stomach!

2.  Don't be a back seat parent.  What do I mean by this?  It's akin to being a backseat driver.  It's offering unsolicited advice to a parent and or going as far as parenting a child that is not your own.  Especially while that child's parent is actually in the room.  If I am in the room, I don't need you to take on the role of parent to my child.  You don't need to tell them when to say please and thank you, you don't need to try to rid them of their pacifier habit, you don't have to tell them how to behave.  I am there, I will do it.  Please give me enough time to actually do so.
If I'm not in the room, then by all means, please steer my child in the right direction and help them decipher right from wrong.  However, if one of the parents is there, it's not your job or responsibility.  I don't care if you are the grandparent, aunt, uncle, neighbor, etc.  Stop trying to parent other peoples children.  Also, only dole out parenting advice if someone asks you for it.  I have no pride in that realm.  If I think I need help, I'll ask and believe me I have.  I am more than willing to learn and hear from other parents.  But I don't want unsolicited advice that 9 times out of 10 is pure crap anyway.

3.  It is never acceptable to yell and swear at an elderly woman.  Even if she called me an ethnic slur.  My apologies to her and the universe for my poor behavior.  I am an ever evolving human being and will work harder in the future to keep my rage in line.  Not my proudest moment, but a learning moment nonetheless.

4.  Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia scares the crap out of me.  Enough said.

5.  Ignorance is not an excuse for poor behavior.  I'm sick of hearing that some people cannot be responsible for their despicable words and actions because they don't know any better.  This was something I encountered frequently in academia and also something I experience from day to day.
 If you act like a jerk, talk like a jerk and are a jerk most of the time, I think there has to be some sort of accountability. I don't care that you aren't used to interacting with people, I don't care that you're lacking social skills, I don't care that you are oblivious that your comments are hurtful.  Bottom line is, you have to be held to some sort of standard.  You can't go around saying remarkably hurtful or insulting things and expect it to be all right just because you supposedly aren't aware that your comments are in poor taste.  Wake up, get a clue.  I will hold myself to this standard and so should you!  Also, I was aware my comments to the elderly lady were not acceptable.  I am not pleading ignorance.  I am responsible for my bad behavior.  Though, she was a bitch.

6.  Don't finish your sentence if it starts with "no offense".  Ninety-nine percent of the time the statement will be offensive to the person you are speaking to.

7.  I love my family.  My husband and children are the best things that have ever happened to me.  They may frustrate me some of the time, but they also bring sheer joy to my life.  So, I don't mind that maybe my blog and or writing might be a little lacking lately.  I am busy enjoying the precious time that goes by all too quickly with my kids and husband.  I really feel so lucky to have them in my life and wouldn't change any of it, this I know for sure!

xoxoxoxo- Jess

Basia Bulat and notes...

Can't stop listening to...Tall Tall Shadow

Also, some new poetry is on it's way.  Deciding whether or not to just post here or submit to journal.  Perhaps I would prefer to just post.  The sound of silence is killing me.  Ok, it's not killing me, but for now this blog may be my chosen form of publication.  My only audience.
I can't stand the rejection in the form of silence that I've received from journals and agents.  Oh well.  Keep on trucking as they say.

But, I feel a turning of the tides... Can't pinpoint it, but there are so many changes underway and I think there will be some major changes in regards to my writing.

Hiatus

Hello to my very few readers!  Sorry I have been on quite the hiatus lately.  Reason being....

1.  I was on a nine day cruise.  Where did I go, you ask...  To the seventh circle of hell.  That may be a future post but for now I'm still recovering from the nightmare...

2.  I've been in a funk.  For various reasons I've had no motivation to do anything.  Well, except for watch Lifetime Christmas movies and play with my kids.

3.  I'm getting things straight in my head and planning some next step/big things.  I really want to revamp/expand my blog and also I'm working on getting a side buisness up and going.  Can't share all the details at the moment, but I'll keep you posted, I promise!

Writing updates:

Never heard back from the initial agents I queried, so I sent out two more query letters yesterday.  Keep your fingers crossed.  I can't wait to be a famous author who humbly recounts her rejection stories!!!!  Just hope I don't have to survive too many rejections...

In Favor of Santa

The other day my co-worker and I were engaged in typical, everyday sort of conversation.  He asked about my kids and I recounted a story about my morning.  I shared that I had a discussion about Santa Claus with my two-year old son.   I told my colleague that I was trying to build up some excitement and hype for Santa, since the holidays will soon be upon us.  When I was done telling my story, my colleague, in a deadpan tone said "so, you're going to tell your kids about Santa?"
At first I didn't understand his question.... With a blank look, I asked "What do you mean?"
What ensued was a slightly dicey conversation about the merits and pitfalls of teaching kids about Santa and imparting on them a"deep rooted" lie.  My colleague is concerned about the disillusionment that the belief in Santa might breed.  He also grapples with the idea that we as parents are supposed to be 100% honest with our kids and that perpetuating the Santa myth is at odds with this practice.

In truth, had I not had this conversation with my colleague, I don't think I would have ever questioned speaking to my kids about Santa.  Santa to me is an important and magical part of the holidays and a tradition I hold dear.  It is something I will certainly pass on to my children.  But, our convo did spark some introspection and made me address why I feel Santa is so important.  So, without further ado, this is why I am strongly in favor of "perpetuating the lie" and celebrating Santa with my kids.

There are few times/periods in our lives when we have the opportunity to believe in something as magical, jovial and whimsical as Santa Claus.  When you truly believe in Santa, you believe in all that is wonderful in the world.  You believe ANYTHING is possible.  It seems hokie, but I struggle to equate anything else in life to it.  Even though it's such a short period in time when you actually believe, there is little that measures up to that feeling.  Some of my best memories are of leaving cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, racing home on Christmas eve from our relatives house so that we could get to bed before he arrived, etc. etc.  I distinctly remember one Christmas Eve coming home from my Grandma's house and I honestly thought I saw Santa flying in the sky.  In retrospect I realize it was most likely a taillight on an airplane, but boy was I excited!  I really feel that are literally no words that can sum up the anticipation, excitement and frivolity that believing in Santa elicits.

There's so much crap in the world and kids are exposed to the harshness of reality pretty early on.   I think it's nice if we can pass along just a few carefree and magical (be it naive) traditions.  I also whole-heartedly feel that believing in Santa for whatever little time it may be, far outweighs the disappointment of finding out the truth about him.

It's absolutely true that Christmas has become over commercialized, but I think within our own families we can monitor how much stock we put into it.  Even if you don't want to get wrapped up in all the commercial hype, you can still sustain the idea of Santa in a more traditional and low-key manner.

I've honestly been racking my brain to think of an adult feeling that is equivalent to or rivals the excitement and wonder that kids feel in regards to Santa.  The only thing I can come up with is love... Now some naysayers think love is a sham and I think we could all agree that it can be a giant source of disillusionment.  Nevertheless, most of us haven't' given up on it yet.  So maybe that should be our take away with Santa.  The high and excitement may eventually dissipate, and kids may even feel a bit sad when they find out the truth, but I would say it's better to have believed in Santa and then find out the truth, than to never have known him at all.

* Disclaimer:  My joy about Santa has nothing to do with the religious aspect of Christmas.  I put them in two separate categories and therefore there is no need for reminders such as "Put the Christ back in Christmas, he's the reason for the season..."  Thanks!

I Watch Scandal

Houston, we have a problem....What should one do when his or her two-year old is obsessed with the ABC hit drama, Scandal????

Ok, I understand that some people may nominate me for the "Worst Mom of the Year Award", but I swear to you that I am not actually watching Scandal with my two-year old son.  You see, my husband and I recently became fans of the show.  We sort of overdosed on it by watching the first two Seasons rapid fire on Netflix   This way we could catch up in time for the start of Season 3.  Although we never watched the show in front of our son, I guess we discuss it often when he is in earshot. Let me tell you folks, if you think your kids aren't listening to what you say, you are dead wrong. So we discuss it on a pretty frequent basis and little ears must be perking up each time that we do. Now on any given day and out of the blue our little guy will say "I watch Scandal?".  The first time he said it we sort of giggled and shook our heads in the "kids say the darndest things" sort of way...  But, then he started asking for it on a more regular basis.  He now requests to see Scandal more than he asks to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, sigh.....Any time the  TV switches on in his presence, he's first inclination is to announce "That's not Scandal".  Ofcourse it's not Scandal, kid, you're TWO!  You shouldn't be watching it.  You don't even know what it is...

Our new approach is to spell out the name of the show when we want to discuss it "Can you believe what Olivia did on S-C-A-N-D-A-L last night?"
Except now he knows what we are spelling.  I kid you not.... When we spell it out, his response..."I like Scandal!"  How is this possible?  I thought we would have the luxury of spelling things in front of the little ones until they were at least 7 years old.  What the heck?!

Now I cringe when anyone mentions TV in general or dare I say, they mention Scandal by name.  I just know that at any given moment he might say that he watches it or that he likes it. Thank god he doesn't go to school yet.  Lord knows what the teachers might think of us if he tells the little tots that his favorite tv show is Scandal.  I can imagine we would receive a knock on the door from DCYF.

Anyway, the moral of my story is that kids are listening.  They are on alert and they tend to harp on the things you definitely wouldn't want them to.  I know my son is seemingly wise beyond his years, but this is a bit extreme.  So, for now on I will keep discussion of my favorite shows to a minimum and keep young eyes and ears away from the tellie. 

Ode to Childhood

 
There are some days when I miss my youth.  I miss the silly antics, the innocence and the pure fun of it all.  I also miss getting away with certain behaviors that just don’t fly now that I’m an adult… So here’ s my list of things that I either miss from childhood and some things that I wish were still acceptable.

1.  Being Fat.  Every body loves a chubby baby or little kid.  At what age does fat go from being adorable to flat out condemnable? When does your cute, little pooch suddenly become muffin top?  When do chubby cheeks become jowls? At one time my extra chub was charming (or so my mom told me), now it’s just loathsome.  How I long for the days when chub was cherished!

2.  Playing With Barbies.  As a child, I spent countless hours playing with my twenty-plus Barbies and one Allan* doll. Clearly my Barbies were subjected to brothel-like living conditions.  Nevertheless, it was so much fun creating drama for the gals, having them go on trips, and getting them gussied up for parties.  Life in the Barbie Dream House seemed, well dreamy!  Playing make believe with those dolls and conjuring up convoluted story lines fed my creative instinct in a way that no other game or toy did.  Now a days there's so much over analysis about Barbie’s lady bits, what she means to feminism, etc. etc.  It totally sucks the pleasure out of Barbies and it seems like no one is playing with them anymore.  It’s really a shame.  I don't really want to play with Barbies anymore, but I do feel nostalgic for those make-believe, escape from reality type of outlets.  I guess I’ll just have to settle for watching trash TV…

3.  Hula Hooping. I love hula hooping.  Always have. As a child I devoted countless hours to hula hooping in my driveway with my mom's hula-hoop from the 60s (as I write this, I realize it's shocking that I had any friends).  It was so much fun.  Giggle yourself silly sort of fun.  Wild abandon fun.  It was such a challenge to see how long I could keep it going without it falling to the ground. I was quite adept at spinning it around my knees for several rotations.  Anyway, I wish it wouldn't be totally weird for a 31 year-old mother of two to go outside on a sunny day and hula-hoop in her driveway.  Weird neighbor award???  That one would belong to me!

4.  Twice A Day Naps. Since becoming a parent I've become obsessed with my childrens’ nap schedules.  I read about sleep habits, analyze nap routines, labor over sleep begetting sleep, and all the while, my sons don’t want to nap.  They hate it.  But it's been hammered into our collective heads that two naps a day are extremely important to the development of little kids and quite frankly, they just don't appreciate it.  They have no idea how glorious these scheduled times for shut-eye actually are.  I know I didn't realize it as a child.  And to be honest, I'm not so sure children actually need it. Myself on the other hand, I NEED A NAP! And two-a-day would be stupendous.  Naps are lost on the young.  It's us oldies that need the extra shut-eye.  Nap rooms in the office?  Now that's what I'm talking about.

*Allan was Ken’s friend in the 60’s.


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What sorts of things do you miss from childhood???

Updates

• It is now October 23rd and "Shoeless Boy" is still without shoes. Rationally I know I shouldn't care, but for some reason it deeply perturbs me.  I am currently willing myself not to be bothered.... It's a process...I can't promise that next time I see him that I won't confront him and his shoeless feet.  Dear God, grant me the strength I need to keep my mouth shut!

• So, although I'm still going to submit my writing directly to publishers , I decided to submit to an agent as well.  The first query letter may not win me any fans because as soon as I hit send I noticed an error.  They explicitly say to send only your finest and polished pieces and I sent in something with a comma instead of a period.  #rookiemistake #igreatlydislikebutdonthatehashtags

• Currently reading The World According to Garp and I don't like it.  Is this one of those books that I won't appreciate until the very end? 

• Read latest short story by Haruki Murakami, Samsa in Love. Wasn't too impressed...  Am I missing the appeal?  Perhaps it' because I never read Metamorphosis and really have no desire to..   Though... I did like this part: 
• “If you think of someone enough, you’re sure to meet them again,” she said in parting. This time there was real warmth in her voice."

• Submitted two articles to Tue/Night and I'm sending in some poetry to  The Sun Magazine today. Can we do some collective finger crossing?