I Watch Scandal

Houston, we have a problem....What should one do when his or her two-year old is obsessed with the ABC hit drama, Scandal????

Ok, I understand that some people may nominate me for the "Worst Mom of the Year Award", but I swear to you that I am not actually watching Scandal with my two-year old son.  You see, my husband and I recently became fans of the show.  We sort of overdosed on it by watching the first two Seasons rapid fire on Netflix   This way we could catch up in time for the start of Season 3.  Although we never watched the show in front of our son, I guess we discuss it often when he is in earshot. Let me tell you folks, if you think your kids aren't listening to what you say, you are dead wrong. So we discuss it on a pretty frequent basis and little ears must be perking up each time that we do. Now on any given day and out of the blue our little guy will say "I watch Scandal?".  The first time he said it we sort of giggled and shook our heads in the "kids say the darndest things" sort of way...  But, then he started asking for it on a more regular basis.  He now requests to see Scandal more than he asks to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, sigh.....Any time the  TV switches on in his presence, he's first inclination is to announce "That's not Scandal".  Ofcourse it's not Scandal, kid, you're TWO!  You shouldn't be watching it.  You don't even know what it is...

Our new approach is to spell out the name of the show when we want to discuss it "Can you believe what Olivia did on S-C-A-N-D-A-L last night?"
Except now he knows what we are spelling.  I kid you not.... When we spell it out, his response..."I like Scandal!"  How is this possible?  I thought we would have the luxury of spelling things in front of the little ones until they were at least 7 years old.  What the heck?!

Now I cringe when anyone mentions TV in general or dare I say, they mention Scandal by name.  I just know that at any given moment he might say that he watches it or that he likes it. Thank god he doesn't go to school yet.  Lord knows what the teachers might think of us if he tells the little tots that his favorite tv show is Scandal.  I can imagine we would receive a knock on the door from DCYF.

Anyway, the moral of my story is that kids are listening.  They are on alert and they tend to harp on the things you definitely wouldn't want them to.  I know my son is seemingly wise beyond his years, but this is a bit extreme.  So, for now on I will keep discussion of my favorite shows to a minimum and keep young eyes and ears away from the tellie. 

Ode to Childhood

 
There are some days when I miss my youth.  I miss the silly antics, the innocence and the pure fun of it all.  I also miss getting away with certain behaviors that just don’t fly now that I’m an adult… So here’ s my list of things that I either miss from childhood and some things that I wish were still acceptable.

1.  Being Fat.  Every body loves a chubby baby or little kid.  At what age does fat go from being adorable to flat out condemnable? When does your cute, little pooch suddenly become muffin top?  When do chubby cheeks become jowls? At one time my extra chub was charming (or so my mom told me), now it’s just loathsome.  How I long for the days when chub was cherished!

2.  Playing With Barbies.  As a child, I spent countless hours playing with my twenty-plus Barbies and one Allan* doll. Clearly my Barbies were subjected to brothel-like living conditions.  Nevertheless, it was so much fun creating drama for the gals, having them go on trips, and getting them gussied up for parties.  Life in the Barbie Dream House seemed, well dreamy!  Playing make believe with those dolls and conjuring up convoluted story lines fed my creative instinct in a way that no other game or toy did.  Now a days there's so much over analysis about Barbie’s lady bits, what she means to feminism, etc. etc.  It totally sucks the pleasure out of Barbies and it seems like no one is playing with them anymore.  It’s really a shame.  I don't really want to play with Barbies anymore, but I do feel nostalgic for those make-believe, escape from reality type of outlets.  I guess I’ll just have to settle for watching trash TV…

3.  Hula Hooping. I love hula hooping.  Always have. As a child I devoted countless hours to hula hooping in my driveway with my mom's hula-hoop from the 60s (as I write this, I realize it's shocking that I had any friends).  It was so much fun.  Giggle yourself silly sort of fun.  Wild abandon fun.  It was such a challenge to see how long I could keep it going without it falling to the ground. I was quite adept at spinning it around my knees for several rotations.  Anyway, I wish it wouldn't be totally weird for a 31 year-old mother of two to go outside on a sunny day and hula-hoop in her driveway.  Weird neighbor award???  That one would belong to me!

4.  Twice A Day Naps. Since becoming a parent I've become obsessed with my childrens’ nap schedules.  I read about sleep habits, analyze nap routines, labor over sleep begetting sleep, and all the while, my sons don’t want to nap.  They hate it.  But it's been hammered into our collective heads that two naps a day are extremely important to the development of little kids and quite frankly, they just don't appreciate it.  They have no idea how glorious these scheduled times for shut-eye actually are.  I know I didn't realize it as a child.  And to be honest, I'm not so sure children actually need it. Myself on the other hand, I NEED A NAP! And two-a-day would be stupendous.  Naps are lost on the young.  It's us oldies that need the extra shut-eye.  Nap rooms in the office?  Now that's what I'm talking about.

*Allan was Ken’s friend in the 60’s.


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What sorts of things do you miss from childhood???

Updates

• It is now October 23rd and "Shoeless Boy" is still without shoes. Rationally I know I shouldn't care, but for some reason it deeply perturbs me.  I am currently willing myself not to be bothered.... It's a process...I can't promise that next time I see him that I won't confront him and his shoeless feet.  Dear God, grant me the strength I need to keep my mouth shut!

• So, although I'm still going to submit my writing directly to publishers , I decided to submit to an agent as well.  The first query letter may not win me any fans because as soon as I hit send I noticed an error.  They explicitly say to send only your finest and polished pieces and I sent in something with a comma instead of a period.  #rookiemistake #igreatlydislikebutdonthatehashtags

• Currently reading The World According to Garp and I don't like it.  Is this one of those books that I won't appreciate until the very end? 

• Read latest short story by Haruki Murakami, Samsa in Love. Wasn't too impressed...  Am I missing the appeal?  Perhaps it' because I never read Metamorphosis and really have no desire to..   Though... I did like this part: 
• “If you think of someone enough, you’re sure to meet them again,” she said in parting. This time there was real warmth in her voice."

• Submitted two articles to Tue/Night and I'm sending in some poetry to  The Sun Magazine today. Can we do some collective finger crossing?

To Find an Agent or Not?

Hello friends,

So, something I've been thinking about alot lately is whether or not it  I should attempt to get a literary agent or if I should continue down the unsolicited submissions path.  I've read articles about both options and I'm still not sure what's the best way to go.  There are clearly pros and cons to both.
It's definitely a crap shoot for me to send in submissions on my own and finding publishing houses that still accept unsolicited submissions is definitely difficult.  Though, I don't know that it will prove more difficult than actually reaching a legitimate agent that will want to work with me and also have my best interest in mind.  I know that there are alot of crappy agents out there that aren't very reputable.

Any readers out there that happen to have some insight?  If so, let me know.

For now I think I'm going to continue forward with sending in some query letters and unsolicited manuscripts to the few publishers that are willing to accept them and that I feel would be a good match for my stories.  I'll let you know how I make out...
Keep your fingers crossed that I will soon be signing a book deal!  A girl can dream, can't she?

National Go Bonkers Day

Have you ever been asked if you are having twins when you are in fact only carrying one child?  Has a homeless person lifting weights in Walmart ever remarked that you're fat?  Are you sick of your doctor keeping you in the waiting room for hours without a shred of apology once he/she sees you, but then he/she charges you an exorbitant fee if you need to cancel an appointment?  Has your neighbor ever hit your car and then scolded you because they think you shouldn't park in the street?  Have you ever been asked by a colleague if you know the way to the local planned parenthood when you announce that you are pregnant with your second child (apparently he/she felt that you were procreating at too rapid a rate)?  Are you sick and tired of your pathetic government acting like a bunch of pompous, whiny, self righteous a-holes?  Do you just sometimes feel like you adhere to some unspoken social and communication code that no one else seems to follow anymore?

If you can relate to any of the above scenarios, I am sorry and I hereby introduce to you National Go Bonkers Day.  What is National Go Bonkers Day?  It's a day for those of us who try to be kind, sensitive, empathetic and considerate to do the exact opposite.  It's a chance for us to  absolutely lose our minds and behave in the off color, insensitive manner that other people behave on a regular basis.  It's time to let loose, speak your mind and go absolutely bat-shit looney!

Tell your colleague who complains that the toilet paper roll dispenses toilet paper too slowly and is a "complete waste of time",  that she is down right pathetic, self important and a horrible example of a human being.  Tell your cantankerous and nasty neighbor to go fly a kite.  Write a scathing letter to your congressman to express your deep disappointment with his or her behavior and that you find them to be a loathsome creature.  Deliver an emotional and provocative monologue on anything that is causing you angst.  Feel free to deliver said speech standing atop a milk crate in the center of your street or record it and upload it to YouTube.  Whatever it is that is bothering you, let it out and let it out in a big way.  GO BONKERS!

Some Go Bonkers forefathers that we should glean inspiration from:

• Steven Slater- former flight attendant for jet blue who quit his job in an over the top way
• Jerry Maguire- fictional sports agent who has a moral epiphany and expresses it
• Marina Shifrin- quit her job in a very public Youtube video.  Awesome.
• Chris Christie- I don't always agree with him or his politics, be he knows when to give a stern talking to or to call people out for their BS

Let me know who else should be added to list!  Maybe it will be YOU.

Things that make you go hmmm....

We all know the adage, "money can't buy you happiness". But there are two sides to that coin.  I came across this flyer the other day and it 1. made me smile and 2. got me thinking.
Money can definitely make life a little easier and perhaps give you the means to do the things you love.  But we certainly don't want to kill ourselves making said money in order to hopefully see our dreams come to fruition.  Thoughts? What makes you happy?  Does money influence that?

Contest Bust

I would be remiss if I didn't share my downs with you in addition to my ups.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I entered a writing contest with a piece of speculative fiction.  Though it was my first foray in writing a piece of speculative fiction, I was quite excited about the prospect and pretty happy with my results. Though if I'm truly honest with myself, I think my completed story would be considered speculative fiction in the loosest sense of the genre.  Ok, it was a stretch at best...

Well, yesterday they announced the winners and I was not one of them, womp womp...  I think I knew deep down that I wasn't going to win.  But for whatever reason, I was eager to hear the results and thought perhaps there was a minute chance that I could at least get second or third place.  It's like when you buy a lottery ticket and you rationally know that you are not going to win, but somewhere in the depths of your being you think if you long hard enough and wish strongly enough, that maybe it will happen.  It never does.

Anyway, I guess i just really wanted some validation that someone is willing to actually publish something of mine.  I've been having a bit of a "down" week and I've been riddled with self-doubt.  Obviously I know this journey isn't going to be easy, but I was just hoping for a bit of a silver lining.

Yesterday I was super down in the dumps about the whole thing, but today I must brush myself off and pick myself up and look for a new writing contest.  I also need to actively try to find a children's book publisher.  I've been slacking lately and I need to get back on track.
So, that's my news for now.  I'm going to keep chugging along and see what happens.