OPEN LETTER TO THE SHOELESS BOY ABOUT CAMPUS

Dear Shoeless Boy,

I tried to keep quiet.  I told myself not to be judgmental.  I've wracked my brain for various, viable reasons why you insist upon walking around campus shoeless.  But I can't seem to conjure up any sufficient explanations. So, I will now speak my mind.  I'm sick of being subjected to your dirty, shoeless feet!  I find it to be repulsive, vulgar, and unsanitary.

It's fall, not summer.  We are in a city, not at the beach or in the country. I've contemplated that perhaps you are short on funds, but it's hard to imagine that you came to this University and aren't able to afford at least one pair of shoes.  Plus, the university community here is more than willing to help out a person in need.  I'm sure they would have offered you a pair of shoes by now if you couldn't afford them yourself.  Even the homeless people around town have shoes.  So, I  must deduce that your shoelessness is a choice.  I imagine it's some sort of "statement" or lifestyle declaration. But what could you possibly be declaring?  That you are one with nature?  That you want to have thick soles?  That shoes are a manifestation of everything that is wrong with society?  That shoes are a first world luxury?  WHAT ARE YOU TELLING US???

From what I can gather you are telling us that you are a magnet for germs and a potential candidate for hepatitis c (believe me, I've seen needles on the sidewalks around here).  And therefore I feel that it's my duty to tell you to put some shoes on.  You may think you're an eccentric or that you're sending off some cool, hippie vibe.  Perhaps you just enjoy the freedom of being barefoot. Nevertheless, you are also subjecting others to unnecessary and unsavory interactions with your grubby feet.  So, please do us all a favor and put some shoes on and kindly remember the wise old adage:  No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service!